to fathers...

    It's too late for everything...he's passed away...now I just can't forgive myself and sometimes him.It could be different but I couldn't see what would happen in the end...
    Fathers and their daughters...I always envy them....when I was growing up,I hated my father and couldn't stand even seeing him.I thought we were nothing for him.He was so selfish and irresponsible.
    Every moment that I needed him,he was away or didn't mind.I became a war between us.I couldn't love him,he was bad,and I couldn't let him love me, too.It took years and years to remember we were father and daughter...and it was too late to hug just like nothing was happened...only fact was that he was so sick and there was nothing could be done...
     It was time to admit that he was my father...It was hard but I was the only person who could make him happy...I would try...
     After I learned about his illness,we started to live together.At first,I didn't know how to do...He was so angry,always complaining about everything.We tried hard to get on well.I was broken,he was ill...Sometimes we could be father and daughter but generally we couldn't...
      He stayed with me about a year.It was too long when we were living but after he's gone,...I wish he were here with me again,I could say I love him this time...I found him too late and lost too early...
      Now, every morning,I remember him,talk to him and feel a deep pain.I say 'I miss you,I didn't make you sorry,did I?,Please,forgive me dad,I always loved you!'...
      I loved my dad but I didn't say him even one time!I didn't hold his hand until he was in bed in pain,I didn't forgive him until he died but now,I can't forgive myself!